Alright, alreedy, already. Due to increasing demand, I will be implementing a Guest Worker Program here at my compound. I will need to hire individuals for the following positions: pit bull feeder, pit bull food (10-15 depending on nutritional value), sheet changer, sheet stain remover, assassins (17), garden guardians (5), masseuses (2-4, depending on appearance and qualifications), sycophants (24), grounds keepers (2), laundress, hair dresser, poet laureate, lawyers (72), food taster (2).
Applications must be filed prior to 4:00 PM, PDT, on March 27, 2008. A cashier's check or postal money order made out to JudgementDay (that is correct, not the previous spelling of JudgmentDay) for the amount of 250 dollars, and 00 cents (Canadian, not worthless USA), must accompany all applications in order to cover the processing fee. The fee is non-refundable in the event that your qualifications are deemed unacceptable. Also required: valid social security number, mother's maiden name, name of first pet dog or cat, numbers on two credit cards (including valid dates and three digit authorization code from back of card), and wife's or girlfriend's first name, nick name and cell phone number).
As short essay is also required. the topic is: WHY JD should choose me. Essay must be 500 words or less, and will be graded based on content, spelling, grammar, humbleness, sincerity and creativity.
Good luck.
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