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THE sorry, sexy saga known as "Spygate" will turn into Diegate Tuesday when NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and former Patriots video mystery man Matt Walsh finally have their Yalta Summit at league offices.
Unless Sen. Arlen Specter can somehow find the Boston Herald source who promised that Bill Belichick had the Rams' walkthrough videotaped before his 20-17 Super Bowl XXXVI victory, or the tape itself, if, in fact, it exists, Belichick, much to the chagrin of coach Eric Mangini and Jets Nation, is a free man.
But, oh, to be a spy on the wall during that tete-a-tete:
Goodell: "You have no smoking gun, Mr. Walsh."
Walsh: "I never said I did."
Goodell: "The problem is you never said you didn't. You did the league and the Patriots a disservice by giving the perception that you did. You made Bob Kraft, one of our very best men, twist in the wind by placing him and his coach and his players under a cloud of suspicion."
Walsh [nervous chuckle, attempts joke]: "I guess I was too busy celebrating the Giants' Super Bowl win, sir. The Patriots DID fire me, sir."
Goodell: "A remarkable game that provides irrefutable evidence of the NFL's popularity and growing global reach. You might want to mention that to Sen. Specter when you visit with him."
Walsh: "That will probably be like one of Sam Ervin's grillings. Remember the Watergate hearings, sir?"
Goodell: "President Nixon lost a lot more than a first-round draft choice and $750,000, if memory serves. [Patriots' GM] Scott Pioli was quoted as saying that he fired you for secretly tape-recording private conversations with him while you worked for the club."
Walsh [clears throat]: "On advice of counsel . . . I can assure you I'm not secretly recording our conversation, sir."
Goodell: "I would certainly hope not. Well, Mr. Walsh, you've had your 15 minutes of fame, and then some. Thank you for your, ahem, cooperation and your time. Have a safe trip back to Hawaii."
