Futurepedia: How Joe Torre was corrupted in La-La Land - SPiN - CBSSports.com The Lighter Side of Sports

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following excerpts are from a sports almanac published in 2057 that chronicles topics from the past 60 years. Look for it in five decades from the shelves of Wal-TargetMart for $199.99.

MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL: Joe Torre

Torre's tenure in Los Angeles saw both brilliance and heartbreak on the field. And although Torre brilliantly countered the savage media spotlight in New York City, he proved strangely susceptible to the temptations of Hollywood's glitz and glamour.

November 2007: Torre is named manager of Los Angeles Dodgers at age 67. Contract is estimated at three years, $14 million. Two of his former Yankees coaches, Don Mattingly and Larry Bowa, follow him aboard. Ex-Dodgers manager Grady Little announces he will use his time off to visit Las Vegas and see if he can double his Dodgers buyout money at the blackjack table.

2008 Spring Training: Torre stuns press corps on first day of spring training because it is obvious he has undergone extensive facial plastic surgery. His spray-on tan is about three shades more golden than a typical Simpsons character. To prove how young and rejuvenated he feels, Torre proceeds to count off 50 one-armed push-ups, then crushes a baseball with his bare hand.

2008 Regular Season: Dodgers finish an uninspired 80-82 for fourth place in the NL West. But Torre is the toast of L.A. thanks to his frequent guest appearances on Jay Leno's Tonight show, where he introduces videos of the uproarious practical jokes he springs upon his players in the Dodgers clubhouse.

October 2008: In order to help pass the time because he has missed the playoffs for the first time in 12 years, Torre accepts a recurring role as Teri Hatcher's father on Desperate Housewives. Eventually is nominated for an Emmy as a supporting actor, but loses to William Shatner's portrayal as Denny Crane. To show there are no hard feelings, Torre invites Shatner to throw out the first pitch of the Dodgers' 2009 season.

2009 Spring Training: Dodgers move into their new training facilities in Glendale, Arizona. Because of all the creature comforts insisted upon by Torre -- Jacuzzis in the dugouts, sushi bar in the locker room, wine cellar, an Infiniti to shuttle relievers from the bullpen to the mound, etc. -- the media dubs the complex "Torrewood."

2009 Regular Season: Dodgers win NL West by finishing 94-68. During an August series at Wrigley Field, Torre raises eyebrows by commandeering the microphone during the seventh-inning stretch to promote his upcoming solo CD. He then proceeds with his a cappella version of Stevie Wonder's I Just Called to Say I Love You to a stadium full of people who are stunned into silence.

2009 Wild Card Round: Dodgers swept by Atlanta Braves. A week later while guest hosting on The View, Torre breaks down in tears about how he tried to distract Bobby Cox before each game in L.A. by sending strippers to his hotel room. Effort was wasted because they were mistakenly sent to Chipper Jones' room instead.

2010: In honor of the Dodgers' 101-61 season, Torre accepts a three-year contract extension for $25 million, surpassing the Tampa Bay Devil Rays' Barry Bonds as baseball's highest paid manager. However, a players strike wipes out the 2010 season. Torre spends the summer hiking the Himalayas with recently retired L.A. Lakers coach Phil Jackson and recently retired Charlotte Bobcats guard Kobe Bryant.

2011 World Series: After sweeping the Yankees, Torre agrees to a three-picture deal with Sony. First project announced is Pride of the Yankees II: The Gary Sheffield Story.

2012 Regular Season: Rumors begin to spread that Torre is upset with Dodgers ownership for not entering talks to extend his contract again. Torre denies reports he harbors ill will against the organization until it is revealed that his e-mail inbox is set to accept incoming messages with a sound clip of Chevy Chase's line from Fletch: "I hate Tommy Lasorda. (Smash!)"

October 2012: After missing the playoffs with a 70-92 record, Torre announces that he will retire as Dodgers manager and open a yoga academy in Yorba Linda.

2017 Academy Awards: Torre wins Oscar for Best Original Screenplay for Tuesdays With Georgie, the heartwarming story of the life lessons Torre learned during his tenure in the Bronx when he listened to the philosophies of Yankees owner George Steinbrenner.

2018: Skips his Cooperstown induction to attend the unveiling of his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Nov. 1, 2022: Dies peacefully in his sleep at age 82 the night after watching the New York Yankees win their fifth World Series under manager Derek Jeter.