Futurepedia: I fought the law and Shaq won - SPiN - CBSSports.com The Lighter Side of Sports

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following excerpts are from a sports almanac published in 2057 that chronicles topics from the past 60 years. Look for it in five decades from the shelves of Wal-TargetMart for $199.99.

SPORTS PERSONALITIES: Shaquille O'Neal

Hall of Fame NBA center who played professionally from 1992-2010 (Orlando Magic, L.A. Lakers, Miami Heat, Oklahoma City Sonics).

But eventually time and injuries took a toll on his 7-foot-1, 325-pound frame. Upon his retirement from the court, Shaq immediately focused all his energies in law enforcement and crime fighting. Here is a look at some of his more notorious cases:

2011: Shaq continues his work as a volunteer reserve Miami Beach police officer. At first it is hard for him to blend in among the populace -- not just because of his immense size, but because he insists on wearing a full Superman costume and cape.

2015: During his visit to the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, Mass., for his induction ceremonies, Shaq breaks up a counterfeit memorabilia ring. Included in the items Shaq destroys that bear his fake signature are thousands of sweatshop shoes signed by a sweaty Pat Riley.

2017: Shaq is elected sheriff of Martin County, Fla. He makes good on his promise to downplay his "Superman" obsession. Unfortunately, he does this by dressing as Batman.

2018: Batman costume comes in handy when he has to stop ex-NBA players who begin a crime spree as costumed supervillains: Stan Van Gundy as The Penguin, Bill Walton as The Riddler, and Joakim Noah as The Joker.

2022: Joins the FBI to work cold-case missing person files. His first assignment: Find out whatever happened to the Fu Schnickens.

2025: In toughest collar of his career, Shaq nabs an international ring of smugglers who deal in Icy Hot Pro-Therapy knee braces, hot packs and cold packs (Shaq's interest in the case stems from him being a paid endorser of the company). But it all comes at a high cost. His partner, the Lil' Penny Hardaway doll, sacrifices himself to save Shaq by throwing himself in front of a hail of bullets. Sad part is Shaq had the drop on the smugglers and could have taken them out from a sniper position -- but unfortunately his marksmanship is barely above 50 percent.

2026: Arrests disgraced ex-CBSSports.com Senior Writer Gregory Hardy for scalping forged WNBA championship tickets.

2028: Shaq becomes an NBA ref, but it's really an undercover assignment to ferret out corrupt officials. His biggest score: Bringing down a scorekeeper who used a time travel device to shave points and spy on cheerleading dressing rooms. Unfortunately, the scorekeeper's sabotage of Isiah Thomas' championship Knicks teams of 2006-2010 proved irreversible.

2030: During sting operation, Shaq busts Kobe Bryant for financing a smuggling ring that specializes in moving stolen NBA championship rings. Kobe tries to bribe Shaq with a diamond ring, but Shaq explains, "That only works on your ex-wives."