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Imagine if you will that your favorite team suffered a horrible collapse to finish off its season. Imagine that people keep mentioning this collapse, and unfortunately, your team did little to fix its problems.
Then imagine they do improve, by (eventually) acquiring one of the most talented players in the sport. You're excited. You're elated. You buy tickets to the final home opener at the stadium you grew up visiting to show your support, and once and for all put the previous season behind you.
Things are going well at opening day. Your team is winning. Life is good. Then suddenly they're not winning. Your rival has scored. A bunch. It's late in the game, and much like last year, things get bad so fast you barely have time to contemplate them. Here we go again. There's no way things can get worse, right?
Oh but they can. While you're down and reeling, your stadium PA starts blasting the toughest song known to man: Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up.
If this sounds like your personal sports hell, then welcome to what it's like to be a Mets fan. Due to a little bit of Internet terrorism, the Mets got "Rick Rolled" during their home opener against the Phillies the other day.
Getting Rick Rolled is just like getting Punk'd. Only instead of Ashton Kutcher spoiling your day, you get bombarded with the sweet sounds of Rick Astley. In recent months, the Church of Scientology has repeatedly been Rick Rolled, and on April Fool's Day, countless YouTube users were unknowingly serenaded with the video as well.
As for the Mets, they got Rick Rolled because they allowed fans to vote online for an eighth-inning "sing along." Website Fark.com found out about the contest and told people to cast write-in votes for Astley. Over 5 million votes later, the Mets were successfully Rick Rolled.
So now what? How do the Mets survive their final opening day at Shea Stadium being soiled by the anti-rally anthem of all time? By toughening up, of course. So here are 10 ways the Mets can show the world they haven't softened up after being Rick Rolled in their own backyard:
1. FIGHTS! Make every Mets game look like a reenactment of the Charlestown Chiefs at their most brawly. Who cares if the pitcher isn't throwing inside? Even if Carlos Delgado strikes out looking, he should charge the mound. And he'll have plenty of opportunities to do so.
2. Every night is metal night! End each home game with a Slayer concert. If the field gets ripped up? Big deal. They're moving next year anyway.
3. New uniform addition -- large metal spikes: How do the Mets strike fear in opponents? By dressing like the psycho outcasts from The Road Warrior. You think Hanley Ramirez is going to try to steal second if Jose Reyes is covering the bag with a 10-inch spike sticking out of his wristband? I think not.
4. Meet the Mets ... at the tailgate party! Mets fans are not only encouraged to tailgate before each game, but every Met is required to hang out with fans before the game. Nobody's gonna think John Maine likes Astley if he takes the mound after downing a plate of ribs and nine Busch Lights with a bunch of contractors from Flushing.
5. Fans encouraged to do the Tomahawk chop ... with actual Tomahawks: Let's see Chipper Jones try to focus at the plate with 50,000 Mets fans aiming metal blades at his head.
6. Ozzy Osbourne throws out the first pitch, followed by the starting lineup eating the heads off live bats: It really can't be much worse than a Shea Stadium hot dog.
7. Bullpen strip club: You've got Aaron Heilman warming up from the right side, Scott Schoeneweis warming up from the left, and in between them you've got Alexis! Don't forget to give her a good tip, and be sure to give the Mets relievers some words of encouragement while you're out there.
8. Change team name from New York Mets to Nu Yerk Murdaraz: "Mets" is short for "Metropolitans," which is quite possibly the least threatening nickname in sports. Time to make it more current, and in tune with this hip-hop that the kids love so much.
9. Mr. Met's new attitude: Give that silly baseball-headed mascot a sword to carry in one hand and the severed head of the Phillie Phanatic in the other.
10. Cover Yankee Stadium in toilet paper; leave flaming bag of poo by player's entrance: If flaming poo can't get people's minds off this whole Rick Astley business, then nothing can.
