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Our beaver pelt trader of the week is the University of Tennessee's Chris Lofton who played his senior season shortly after being treated for testicular cancer. What's most amazing about this is that he didn't tell a single person about the illness or make any excuses about his play. It's just as astounding that the few people who knew about the treatment didn't allow the story to get out.
On to All That and a Bag of Mail.
Jeremy Ball writes:
"I think you are spot on regarding adults wearing jerseys. My friends and I also incessantly used a variable derisive remark on this theme; ours went something like 'Man, (insert name of star athlete here) has really let himself go.' This was always funny because the person wearing the jersey was almost invariably the opposite of an athlete. Short, fat, pasty and out-of shape people are vastly overrepresented in the adult jersey-wearing population. Add to this the fact that the most popular jerseys are typically the greatest athletes in the world (wide receivers, tailbacks, basketball players) and you've got a recipe for disaster. Having said that: "It would be tougher to deal with baseball players, particularly corner infielders, of the pre-steroid era; the phrase 'Man, John Kruk/Terry Pendleton has really let himself go,' just doesn't have the same ring to it. "I do, however, think that one exemption is in order. My friends were out in public in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, one night. One of these individuals was a fairly tall, broad shouldered African-American who was wearing a Steve McNair jersey. It should be noted that this individual does not look like Steve McNair at all. At one point, a drunk patron approached him for his autograph. This person would not accept that he was not actually Steve McNair, to the point that he ended up conceding and giving this guy an autograph. I think he should get a pass. Anyone who can legitimately pass for the athlete in question, even to an extremely inebriated person, should be able to wear that jersey again, if for no other reason than for the hope of a repeat performance. "To me, this is even funnier than the original joke, because now this autograph is in one of two places: "1. On the wall of the original drunk, who constantly brags about the night that he partied with Steve McNair in Gatlinburg. "2. On the wall of some poor schmuck who honestly believes he has a legitimate autograph and frequently regales his visitors with: "He got so drunk one night he actually gambled away the McNair autograph to me!"
This e-mail is awesome on so many levels. First, the combination of Steve McNair and Gatlinburg. If you've never been to Gatlinburg before, this won't be as funny to you. But for some reason I'm picturing McNair sifting through a bag of dirt at the gem mine trying to find jewels. That image literally has me crying.
For the record, one of Gatlinburg's top tourist attractions involves putting a bag of dirt in a screen and sifting through mud to look for valuable jewels. When I was a kid, playing hillbilly putt-putt golf (it was on a hill and you had to ride a tractor up to play), sifting through dirt for gems and looking for bears represented the perfect vacation. Welcome to a Tennessee childhood. True story: My wife and I went to Gatlinburg in 2006 and I made her do all these things. She didn't think it was as cool.
Second, that the drunk guy believes Steve McNair would wear his own jersey out to the bar in Gatlinburg. If I were a famous athlete this is probably the one disguise I would feel comfortable in, my own jersey. (As we established a while back in the column, Fred Smoot actually wears his own jersey out all the time). Why didn't your friend just say, how big of a tool would I have to be to wear my own jersey? Screw it, that logic wouldn't have worked with his Gatlinburg stalker.
Third, imagine if your friend in the McNair jersey had taken a woman home by claiming to be McNair while wearing the McNair jersey and then the woman had gotten pregnant. McNair gets served with court papers, the paternity test fails, and some poor kid out there spends the rest of his life hearing his mom say, "If it wasn't Steve McNair then why did he have on his jersey on at the Gatlinburg bar? That paternity test lied."
Brandi writes:
"You can imagine my shock when I was looking up info on the Tin Roof bar in Nashville and your name was featured as a celebrity who frequents the place.
"'Celeb sightings nearly every time I go -- last night was Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys (OK I didn't say they were always A-list celebs!) and my favorite funny sports writer, Clay Travis. But, I've seen anyone from Keith Urban to Jon Bon Jovi to Carrie Underwood and one of the Allman Brothers there at any given time. They know it's a fun time!'
"Are you a celebrity now?"
I'm speechless.
